7 up with bitters

There are nights in a stripper's career, (well, at least this stripper's career) when you just aren't feeling it. The moves you do (every night) just don't feel as sexy, you feel kind of drone-ish and the weird ass shit people say to you really make it that much worse.
Tonight, my dear friends, was just one of those nights.
I, Strip Anonymous may not have eaten enough before work, or spent too much time coloring in a huge sponge bob square pants theme coloring page before hitting the floor... whatever it was, I just wasn't feeling my work persona, I was feeling a little down and a little too real.
That's dangerous, real (and slightly sad) me is NOT a money maker. Real me pouts and retreats, real me gets jealous and self conscious. None of these things are good on the floor, none of these things = money in my wallet. I understand completely that the males who come in do not want someone whiney and sad and despondent, someone they have to work to talk to... they don't want that because they either have it at home or they choose to be single so they don't have to deal with it at home.
I understand this but am still unable to snap out of it when it hits at its worse. Thanks brain for that tonight, my bank account can afford it. Hats off to you and such.

Before I continue on in a melodramatic way all whaaaa whaaa whaaa and such I'm going to get to the good stuff. The stupid shit that came out of a customer's mouth...


are you ready for it...

goes a little like this:

Him: You fine, like a baby making machine...

I say with no effort at being playful: Oh no, no no no, not a baby makin machine.
I think: What the fuck....

I mean, like, I just want to make a baby with you...

Me trying to salvage some flirtiness so everyone doesn't think I'm a complete bitch: Oh, welll I guess that's a compliment. ha ha. (force laugh) I guess that's better.
I think: Seriously dude, stop while you're ahead... do NOT dig that grave even deeper. Stick with the ever horrible pussy flattery, you know "oh that's one nice pussy/kitty/cat/snatch/cookie/other name they think is creative for vagina" At least then I can still pretend to like you and just think you're a gross motherfucker.

Next time I'm on stage:

Him: How old are you...

I answer

Him: Oh it's time I get a baby in you (or something else equally as charming)...

I've given up on being nice at this point, no longer smiling and just said: NOPE!



Lesson of the day: Shut your mouth. You think I have a nice vagine... great, keep it to yourself, it's really not a compliment. I know you'd love it if more ladies told you that your dick was so big they just felt sore for days and it was so nice lalala but just give up the dream and in this case, ignore that golden rule and don't treat us as you'd like to be treated. If we reciprocate about your dick we're lying and then slamming you in the head with our shoe because your dick shouldn't be out for us to see in the first place. Or maybe that's just at my non sketch ball club.
Tell us we're gorgeous, tell us we're fun, tell us our boobs are nice, seriously, especially for those in the natural titty committee that's alright to hear, at least I don't mind it... others that have been in the game longer might just brush it off as yet another compliment that no one really means. Who knows.
If you HAVE to open your mouth say we smell nice (but not when we're standing over you) or we turn you on or something, stick to the generics (as long as it's not asking us out PLEEEASE). Don't end up one of our stories. (Or as the safe sex people say: don't be a statistic)