Tonight: What got you into this kind of work?
I would first like to call attention to the emphasis in this string of words. I don't know if you mean to be condescending dear person (and hopefully money spender) but it definitely comes across this way. Are you trying to say with your words that I shouldn't be here because I am too a)pretty b)smart c)both d)too good for the occupation? And if that is what you mean then is it suppose to be a compliment? And if it is meant to be flattering that I am smarter/prettier/more well rounded/whatever than the average stripper that you know (and or think of in stereotype) then where does that put you on the spectrum? You're enabling these girls to continue this low line of work. I should ask you what brings you into this kind of bar, especially with that wedding ring on.
But I digress, that's not answering anything is it?
So here's the supposing someone is just doing an anthropological or sociological study of dancers and is asking (with very little opinion or bias) literally what lead up to this choice.
I don't know when it really began. I remember as a little girl playing with my friend and somehow already knowing about sex and what it meant to be sexy. I was maybe 6. One day we were dancing on top of her trundle bed and I pretended to start stripping, I told her we were dancers and we were taking our clothes off. She said okay but only because she was forced to and didn't want to. Totally killed my buzz. Until then I just thought it was sexy and not in a negative way. So there was that episode.
Next came junior high and high school where I figured I wasn't pretty so I would just have to be smart. I so wanted to be the "sexy" or "hot" or even "popular" one but I was also painfully self conscious. Didn't matter that people had been complimenting me since birth, I thought only adults saw things that way because DUH boys were making fun of me all the time. (Turns out that's flirting?)
Somewhere in the mix of JH and HS Coyote Ugly came out and I wanted nothing more than to have a job where I danced on bars looking hot like those girls. Seriously. I was maybe 13.
Oh yeah, and I'm naturally flexible.
High School was more trying to be as smart as possible because I wasn't that pretty (in my eyes) and no guy could possibly find me cute enough to date. I did dance during this time and loved performance days because dancing was something I knew I was good at and I wanted the guys at school to think my dancing was hot. No, not good/hood (I was in a hip hop group), but sexy as fuck.
I guess it didn't matter because I wouldn't have believed it if guys thought it was sexy anyway. I would have thought they were lying.
When I listened to certain music in high school and beyond I would imagine dancing "sexily" to it as if giving a lap dance or a private show. Seriously, looking back it was just bound to be in the cards. My self made repression and disbelief led me to study the hottest women I knew.
The ones that danced with little to no clothing.
College came and as I defined my major I took human sexuality classes as well as sex in media classes that made me realize that while there were creeps in these places there were also just lonely people. Not only that but there was a community of people (women) that actually enjoyed the profession and while society put negative connotations to the act and occupation, these women didn't care and some even dared to call themselves feminists.
I fell in love. Feminist porn stars and dancers? Hell yeah!
One day while getting some fun bits pierced I made friends with a girl and her boyfriend. We all hung out and I asked what she was doing. Dancing is what she said sheepishly. I swooned and begged her to tell me about it. (After telling her how rad I thought that was, well, as long as she was happy with it)
We became good friends and one of our other friends was auditioning one night and after mulling the idea over in my head over and over again I finally went for it.
I auditioned, the female owner hired me immediately (even thought my moves weren't that great) and I was suppose to start the next week. Then I slept on it and the old guilt came creeping in. What are people going to think? Is this dirty? I didn't feel dirty dancing, it felt like a lot of fun... What am I doing with my life? Etc. I am a really big worrier.
I cancelled on the club for a week and then after realizing I didn't want to NOT go through with it I called back and asked if I could come in. I was forgiven for the cancel and allowed to work. I stayed at that club only two weeks before I left the state for other reasons but that was the beginning.
Next time: Why do I do it?
