I'm sorry it's been so long. It's been called to my attention that I have been a bit of a downer to the other dancers and customers and so I've been reevaluating, trying other places and trying to enjoy life in clothes so when I'm out of them I have some happiness to work with.

I'll be honest with you, positive does not breed funny tweets so I've decided to keep my negative commentary from spilling out of my mouth, but I will not make you suffer through the monotony of positivity.

So... Couple short stories/ happenings....

A man told me he rather hadn't taken off my bottoms during my stage set. Funny thing is, I wish he hadn't been a closet gay and had deeper pockets. Lose lose?

I've been doing a go go shift once a week at a club downtown. I'm in love with the main fire dancer, I might geek out and tell her.

Speaking of go go...I was vacumming out my car today and found a lot of divorce dust (glitter), word to wise, don't bring me in your car after I've been a go go. I don't wear glitter on my body when I strip... The name divorce dust should give you a clue as to why... But go god know no such rules and get completely glitter fucked (we look like I would imagine the twilight vamps to be in the sun) and sweaty and then touch people and they get glitter ducked too.

Times up for stories right now.

Until next time...

Buy a dance D.

here

Sometimes I really, truly do. Some days, (lately not so much, but more on that later) maybe even most days I love what I do.

Why?

Well... let me count the reasons

1. I work with gorgeous girls

2. Said gorgeous girls get naked

3. we talk about anything and everything we want out of earshot of the custies

4. sometimes we do that in earshot of custies

5. we are close enough to tell each other what we love about each girl's body

6. I dance and get paid

7. I don't sit behind a desk

8. for the most part I pick my own hours

9. I get told I'm beautiful/gorgeous/sexy/a unicorn on a work night basis

10. I work with some bi -> lezzie and boy do those ladies know how to hit your hot spots in a second

11. there's more but just see above

I'm lucky to work at a club where I have good friends from before AND where the ladies are all pretty supportive of each other. We have our momentary hate sessions where we can't believe someone is making as much as she is and we're jealous as hell but there's no stealing, no putting others down, no real talking behind each other's backs (with the exception of some new girls with annoying as fuck tendencies or full on sluts that make it harder for the rest of us to earn an honest dollar), no fist fights and for the most part the custies are respectful. Sometimes really dumb, but generally respectful. 

But then there are other times where as great as reasons 1-11 are, money gets tight (even though I'm not doing coke and don't have a bad shopping addiction) and nobody seems to be getting/wanting dances and some girls that are less pretty or less fun or younger, or older or whatever are getting dances and you're fucking poor in the corner trying to at the very least fake a smile... these are the times where it is a lot harder to love what I do. 

It's in times like these that I question why I do what I do. I haven't been in the industry super long (which is probably why I don't make what more seasoned strippers would consider decent money on a good night) and so I get frustrated. I let my insecurities blind me. I get to the point of no return and just want to go in the back and cry. Yeah, a stripper crying. Great. Write a song about it... oh wait somebody already did. 

I didn't know to plan for April being horrible and to spend half of May trying to recover from the crash that is tax season. I tried keeping my chin up night after shitty, shitty night but after a while it got really hard to smile when yet another custie would tell me I was pretty and not get a dance. I get it, I'm hot, let's do this. Instead they would low ball me or just walk off which would leave me feeling the need to take my heals off, run after them and cut their throats with the sharp edge of my heal. 

I've tried to figure out what I can do to make money better. Not every girl is feeling the shit April that I am. Most are, but there are a couple weathering the storm just fine. I need to watch them, I need to stop being jealous and wondering what they have that I don't. I need to start closing off the world behind my eyes and looking like I'm DTF at any minute.

Apparently it isn't about the strip tease anymore. It's about who they could actually possibly get to do something extra or take home. Apparently talent is not necessary, and looking good is not an issue. Those who look 12, or trashy, or DTF or hard are the ones that keep getting the dances. It's not about what you say it's about the look in your face and eyes when you say it.

I'm going to have to start writing lines before I go to work:

Me love you long time. Oh I'm a naughty girl! I would fuck you but the rules say I can't and I'm reaaaal scared of my boss. I'm so wet. All I want to do is fuck... etc etc... lalala.

Operation bimbo in effect.

-D

Called Out... With the Truth

Tonight I've been reading over just about every post The Angry Stripper has posted in hopes of learning something new I could use when I came across this post.

You see, I have a confession to make that I really don't want to make...

I'm a broke stripper.

I'm a broke stripper with no drinking, drug or really even any shopping habits (other than thrifting occaisionally) who has no other bills than her car, insurance, rent, phone and food. Oh right, utitlities... Point being, this (broke) stripper has no huge loans to pay off and can't seem to get money into savings. SAVINGS!

Why am I poor? Good question... please help me out with an answer.

Let's look at the facts of my day

1) bust my ass to look good naked (we'll break this down further)
   a) shower and make sure everything smells clean
   b) I take the time to shave my legs
   c) I also take the time and deal with the pain of shaving the vag, I don't care if they like hair or not, whatever I do with it still means I'm taking time on it and it's again for customer enjoyment (also working  around razor burn is really effing difficult no matter what methods you use, I have sensitive skin, this take a lot of work)
   d) put on make up (and it's not cheap)
   e) put on fake eyelashes
   f) style my hair (whether flat iron or curl this takes a good 45 minutes, I have long and all natural hair)
   g) keep my nails groomed
   (I'm sure there is more but I'm tired and ready to move on)
2) I find an outfit that compliments my body perfectly and makes them want to see more...
3) I wear heals bigger than the average customer's dick
4) all night
5) dancing
6) and on the pole
7) I talk to the customers
8) and deal with sob stories,
9) or guys treating the club like a dating service,
10) or even better a whore house.
11) I make an effort to improve all moves I do to make them look better and sexier to the customer
12) I also work to improve my pole tricks, I haven't decided if this ends up just being for me but oh well
13) I bruise and batter my body doing #11 and 12
14) I don't get paid an hourly wage

All of those things seem like good reasons to be making an average of AT LEAST $200 a night. Lately I've been lucky to make $450 a week (working at LEAST 5 days, and at LEAST 5 hours per day).

Let's break that down shall we? $450 divided by (at the least) 31 hours

$14/hour

About $14 dollars an hour... at best

Yes you can argue that $14 is better than minimum wage but minimum wage isn't paying for a normal lifestyle AND minimum wage isn't getting naked, or even semi naked... and doing something other than sitting at a desk.

$14 an hour means less than one dance an hour. Or less than $20 for two stage sets which means 4 songs...

$14 dollars an hour means me wanted to pulverize customers and other strippers a like when I hear "what do I get with that" when I ask them for dances. Or "I don't want a dance but you're really intriguing, can I get your number?" No mother fucker you can't. If I had a hundy for every girlfriend hunter I had I'd be set. But that's just the problem isn't it? Girlfriend hunters have no money, they just want you to give them dances where they can touch for free in their house, and tell them you like them, and get all mushy over how wonderful they are, and quit stripping because they don't  want to "share" you. Can you tell by this rant how far my finger is down my throat right now? Gag.

I'm not sure why I'm so broke unless this is a common Portland thing. I don't need to be overly famous, though I would like it if I were well known and paid well. I get it, Portland has a lot of strip clubs where just about anyone, oh wait, NOPE, anyone, can strip if they want to, but I'm fucking pretty. Like unicorn status pretty (I know because some customer told me so...wtf). But seriously, I use to be really self conscious and self loathing but if there is one thing I've gained in my path to being fed up it is a knowledge that I deserve far more money than I am making.

But why D? All you do is take off your clothes?

Oh really, that's all I do huh. Let's see you try it lame girl in the back glaring or ugly male at my rack thinking he can give his opinion on every inch of my body. Lets see you get up here, bust out these moves, hide your razor burned balls, wear skimpy outfits, walk in 7 inch heals, no wait, DANCE in 7 inch heals AND make it all look good/that you like doing it. And that's just the mother fucking beginning.

Sarah, from The Angry Stripper says it best like this:

"$200 a night is not good money. $300 a night is only okay money. $400 is getting a bit better … "


If I were making $200 a night which would be about $40 an hour I would be so stoked. Sad, I know. 


Time to move on to a new club or five? Yes, yes I think so.


Now go pay your local stripper.


-D