Yup, that's right. My humor has ceased to get me through this farce of a job. I'm going to say, tonight and last night were mostly shit so this is really, really negative... but so is my life right now and I'm blaming it on the industry.
I do what I want.
Why such shit?
Another night of frustrating amounting to tears that may or may not be cried because I have guys come and go from my stage because I didn't make physical contact with them. That in and of itself doesn't make me cry. It's the frustration of knowing you could be a great dancer and making nothing for it. It's the frustration of knowing that you are at least average, if not above looking and while many women strive to achieve that, and many asshole men make their girlfriends need to achieve that, guys (most that come into clubs) aren't putting their money down on the gorgeous girl's stage.
I am not alone in this. Don't think, oh maybe she just thinks she is gorgeous and really is hideous and that's why she doesn't make money. Nope. It's a phenomena of strip clubs and life. The most attractive, the most talented, the ones with great personalities... they make nothing compared to the ones that laugh like they are drunk and finger fuck themselves. I figure the guy might imagine a paper bag over the girl's head. I don't even fucking know.
I feel beaten and bruised. More emotionally than physically. My physical bruises don't frustrate me or leave damage once they are gone. I don't care about those. I'm pale, they happen.
It's the scars and the hardness you develop from showing up to the stage to perform for the bored and overstimulated.
I'm a fucking girl, a cute one, with a good body standing in front of you, above you so you get a better view, with barely anything on, about to spin around and do things that could make me fall and break my neck... for you. Instead of be thankful it's always "what else" or "can I touch" or let me blow on you. This isn't an interactive show. It was not meant to be interactive, that's called a whore house.
The worst part is the roller coaster ride of it all. You're high some days because you made a decent amount of money (to you, other strippers would laugh at your good days which you try not to think about or that makes you cry too) and life seems alright. If that could happen all the time or even most of the time there wouldn't really be an issue. Besides the not really being able to date due to the strain the job puts on relationships.
But then those days come where you make nothing for doing everything (well, not everything) and other girls are skipping around drunk as fuck and practically throwing money around because they let custies touch places that only doctors and sex partners should touch (i mean, besides yourself). Or they finger themselves to make the same amount smart girls would just give a dance for.
Please ladies, charge extra for doing more. I mean, if you're going to do it, and obviously you are, charge more.
This is not my industry, this is not my scene and I can't be a feminist in the clubs I've worked in and somehow think it's okay. Do I think it's impossible to be a feminist stripper after it all? No. I just worked at the wrong clubs and possibly in the wrong city.
I think it's a sad reflection on society when guys sit at a rack bored out of their minds with a vagina or titties around a foot away from their face. Am I suppose to shoot ping pong balls out of my black hole?
You're going to tip me $1 and expect me to want to take my top off? One dollar? Girls the Go Wild get more than that. They get free alcohol and hats and shirts, all of which cost more than a dollar. Seriously.
I'll have a couple more posts after this one, sum up my experience. Maybe find some highlights of this journey. But tomorrow night is my last actual night of working. I'm ready to break mentally.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Alright! Time For Some Positivity
I've been absent from here for a bit. Yes I know, that's always the way with me isn't it. Just can't rely on my blog posts, I just keep you waiting.
Well, deal.
But I love you for reading. Believe me.
So, for a slight change of pace tonight I decided I'm going to write about some of the reasons I actually stick with this job. I've already decided for now, at the clubs I am at, this job is like an emotionally abusive relationship, but that's not very positive and so we'll forget the lows right now and just talk about the highs...
Perks/highs:
- drugs, copious amounts of drugs...
No, not seriously. I don't partake in drugs BUT many of the girls do, there is some logic behind the stereotypes though I do know quite a few women who manage to keep the drugs in the spare time and the work in the work time. To each there own right?
- the shoes
Literally, they are high. Like towering sometimes. I've never felt so tall. I try not to stand up next to tall customers after a dance without my shoes on. Just makes me feel short again. I use work time to pretend I'm larger than life, but not fatter than life... just longer.
- my ass
The aforementioned shoes make it lift a bit. It's not necessary... believe me, my ass looks just as decent if not pretty effin fan-tASS-tic (haha get it... yeah, that's a good one) when I'm in flats but whatevs. This is not a place for reality.
-my ego...
This one could go either way, but we'll talk about overall. While I may not make great money, (yet, I'm still holding out hope for this one club and it's potential...) I do realize daily that I'm really frickin pretty, my face is pretty symmetrical, again... my ass, dudes off all ages/races/etc comment on how "perfect" my body is, even better... Women tell me my body is rockin and or perfect (and they aren't trying to get me into bed... most of the time)
Also, other girls I work with sometimes gush about how they like my dancing style. Thank goodness. At the very least, even if I am not making money, I am looking the part of an experienced/talented dancer. I think my mind would explode if I was a shitty dancer.
- letting go of sexual norms
We talk about anything and everything in the dressing room. Some conversations guys would love to hear, other conversations would make guys want to cut their own dicks off or at the very least turn gay. We're just as bad as a dude's locker room... you can't get more gnarly than some of the conversations I've taken part in.
There are so many reasons why this is great...
I'm stoked to be a part of a group of women that is open with each other about their bodies. I come from a group of friends, or several groups of friends that just didn't talk about sex in depth or any body functions. Yes some of the conversations might have been embarrassing to start or be a part of in high school or even beginning years of college but it would probably have made me feel less self conscious about a lot of things, mostly concerning sexual interactions with males.
The super fun part... getting to experience/watch/enjoy other women. Most males are totally okay with female on female action... as long as they are involved or allowed to watch. Fine. But I'm not making out with a girl at a party in front of a keg just so frat boys will cheer. That might make me hurl.
What I will do is give your girlfriend a lap dance and not touch you at all. I'll let you watch, but all of my attention will be on her. Boobs are fun, women are fun... especially when they are open to other women.
This is a thing that not all of the girls I work with consider a perk. There are a few SUPER STRAIGHT women that I work with and it blows my mind. Great girls, not homophobic, just not interested.
I'm the other side, Oh a girl wants a lapdance? SHIT YEAH!
- more perks? my boobs
Before this job, well, before getting my nipples pierced I was VERY self conscious about my small boobs. I didn't think they had a nice shape, I felt very teen at best looking. Then I started showing them to people, first so they could put a needle through each point and then later for money. My boobs almost get as much positive attention as my ass. Good job ladies. Don't worry, unless you get sloppy after babies, I won't try to make you bigger.
- last perk... the scheduling
I had a real job before I started doing this for months on end. I was decent at it (just don't ask my dad for a reference...) and I could have gone more places with it. But there were a lot of little things I did not like. At least not for this point in my life.
I hated being almost physically chained to a desk. I felt like a needed a really good reason to get up any time I did. Sorry, I like moving around.
I also hated feeling like I had to stay in the building. Why can't I take my laptop down to Starbucks and get some research done for an hour? Why do you need me at the office every second? Call me when you need me please. Otherwise, I'm going to do some other things.
Waking up early was another complaint of mine. I'm generally not a morning person unless I am staying up for it. What people call super late I call early to bed. Maybe it's several years of practice, but I'm usually not ready to be really friendly and outgoing until after noon... at least. At night? Oh man I'll be a social butterfly (most of the time if I haven't been running around all day like today).
This job lets me pick my schedule. At most clubs, if I want to cancel I can... sometimes there will be a fee. (this will not be true for my dream club but that's a price you pay for the best tips in the city)
Aaaaaaand I'm spent. That was a lot of positivity for me in one sitting.
Next post I'll probably be back to my old ways.
Enjoy this while you can. Reread it if you want.
-D
Well, deal.
But I love you for reading. Believe me.
So, for a slight change of pace tonight I decided I'm going to write about some of the reasons I actually stick with this job. I've already decided for now, at the clubs I am at, this job is like an emotionally abusive relationship, but that's not very positive and so we'll forget the lows right now and just talk about the highs...
Perks/highs:
- drugs, copious amounts of drugs...
No, not seriously. I don't partake in drugs BUT many of the girls do, there is some logic behind the stereotypes though I do know quite a few women who manage to keep the drugs in the spare time and the work in the work time. To each there own right?
- the shoes
Literally, they are high. Like towering sometimes. I've never felt so tall. I try not to stand up next to tall customers after a dance without my shoes on. Just makes me feel short again. I use work time to pretend I'm larger than life, but not fatter than life... just longer.
- my ass
The aforementioned shoes make it lift a bit. It's not necessary... believe me, my ass looks just as decent if not pretty effin fan-tASS-tic (haha get it... yeah, that's a good one) when I'm in flats but whatevs. This is not a place for reality.
-my ego...
This one could go either way, but we'll talk about overall. While I may not make great money, (yet, I'm still holding out hope for this one club and it's potential...) I do realize daily that I'm really frickin pretty, my face is pretty symmetrical, again... my ass, dudes off all ages/races/etc comment on how "perfect" my body is, even better... Women tell me my body is rockin and or perfect (and they aren't trying to get me into bed... most of the time)
Also, other girls I work with sometimes gush about how they like my dancing style. Thank goodness. At the very least, even if I am not making money, I am looking the part of an experienced/talented dancer. I think my mind would explode if I was a shitty dancer.
- letting go of sexual norms
We talk about anything and everything in the dressing room. Some conversations guys would love to hear, other conversations would make guys want to cut their own dicks off or at the very least turn gay. We're just as bad as a dude's locker room... you can't get more gnarly than some of the conversations I've taken part in.
There are so many reasons why this is great...
I'm stoked to be a part of a group of women that is open with each other about their bodies. I come from a group of friends, or several groups of friends that just didn't talk about sex in depth or any body functions. Yes some of the conversations might have been embarrassing to start or be a part of in high school or even beginning years of college but it would probably have made me feel less self conscious about a lot of things, mostly concerning sexual interactions with males.
The super fun part... getting to experience/watch/enjoy other women. Most males are totally okay with female on female action... as long as they are involved or allowed to watch. Fine. But I'm not making out with a girl at a party in front of a keg just so frat boys will cheer. That might make me hurl.
What I will do is give your girlfriend a lap dance and not touch you at all. I'll let you watch, but all of my attention will be on her. Boobs are fun, women are fun... especially when they are open to other women.
This is a thing that not all of the girls I work with consider a perk. There are a few SUPER STRAIGHT women that I work with and it blows my mind. Great girls, not homophobic, just not interested.
I'm the other side, Oh a girl wants a lapdance? SHIT YEAH!
- more perks? my boobs
Before this job, well, before getting my nipples pierced I was VERY self conscious about my small boobs. I didn't think they had a nice shape, I felt very teen at best looking. Then I started showing them to people, first so they could put a needle through each point and then later for money. My boobs almost get as much positive attention as my ass. Good job ladies. Don't worry, unless you get sloppy after babies, I won't try to make you bigger.
- last perk... the scheduling
I had a real job before I started doing this for months on end. I was decent at it (just don't ask my dad for a reference...) and I could have gone more places with it. But there were a lot of little things I did not like. At least not for this point in my life.
I hated being almost physically chained to a desk. I felt like a needed a really good reason to get up any time I did. Sorry, I like moving around.
I also hated feeling like I had to stay in the building. Why can't I take my laptop down to Starbucks and get some research done for an hour? Why do you need me at the office every second? Call me when you need me please. Otherwise, I'm going to do some other things.
Waking up early was another complaint of mine. I'm generally not a morning person unless I am staying up for it. What people call super late I call early to bed. Maybe it's several years of practice, but I'm usually not ready to be really friendly and outgoing until after noon... at least. At night? Oh man I'll be a social butterfly (most of the time if I haven't been running around all day like today).
This job lets me pick my schedule. At most clubs, if I want to cancel I can... sometimes there will be a fee. (this will not be true for my dream club but that's a price you pay for the best tips in the city)
Aaaaaaand I'm spent. That was a lot of positivity for me in one sitting.
Next post I'll probably be back to my old ways.
Enjoy this while you can. Reread it if you want.
-D
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