Dante's Sinferno!

As you may or may not know I am called upon from time to time to be a go-go at Dante's Sinferno. It is the bestest job ever. I cream my panties every time I get the text asking if I can work a Sunday. I keep my Sunday's open for this shit. I don't mess around.

Why is it so amazing? Well, I guess I'll give a short background. I love dancing. Not stripping, dancing. like going to a club and making my booty shake. It was the one thing I snuck out or lied for when I was in high school. Boys, psh, no. Wellll... I guess we would sometimes sleep at this one house where all the boys were in one room and my friend and I were in the other after a night of dancing out at some young adult night club. 16+ whatever. Point is, I would say I was staying at a friend's house and we would sometimes drive an hour north from where we lived to go dancing on a friday or saturday night.
That's how dedicated I am to going out and getting sweaty.

Another factoid... and possibly the reason being a stripper (and a go-go) made sense: I don't dance WITH people. I very rarely let guys come up and cock bump my from behind (or in front), I am known by all of my dancing ladies (from high school and college) to be the ultimate bitch of the group. There was no one that shut down as many guys as me. Not because they weren't cute, some of them were, but because when I go out dancing, I want to DANCE. I thought about making a shirt that said "I dance by myself" on the front and "Don't block the view" right about my ass on the back. Dedicated. Still need that shirt...

Anywho, wrap up this background... the moment I saw the Go-Gos at Sinferno a few years back I just about died. I wanted to be up there so bad but I had this self doubt going and this crush on this boy who was crushing on the go-gos and it was messy and whatever. But, fast forward to recent times and one of the fine go-gos and I are facebook friends and we chat it up and I mention my admiration of the go-go world and how I want to do it and she hooks it up! She tells her friend who I'm going to call the Sexy Headmaster, and bim bam boom I get set up with a night!

I was nervous as fuck that first night but it all worked out and now it's my favoritest thing EVER. I come home on cloud 69 after working a Dante's shift.

Tonight was one of those awesome nights. Almost better than a boyfriend. Almost, different, same level of a perfect boyfriend... tangent done.

I took picture to document. Only the last one really shows any of me. Sorry but you're welcome at the same time.

Enjoy.

 

Gettin ready

This is true getting ready style. I don't even put these on for work anymore!

Had to glue part of my shoe back together. The damage wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.

This time I took the bus to work. Not because I wanted to smell the lovely mix of crack and piss but because my bank that is doing my car loan is a jackass and dragging their feet with something so my tags aren't exactly up to date and I don't want my poor car to be locked up. So yeah.

Don't worry, I sat on them. I now have scabies and 5 other unknown diseases... 

Just kidding I didn't sit on them. Gross, and I don't have any of those diseases.

Waiting for the bus

Creepy bus picture

 

Bitch you ain't no Barbie, I see you work at Arby's.  

Tried to get the view but the phone just wasn't having it. It was shortly after this picture that I realized how pleasurable it would have been if my hood was pierced. Seriously, that bus vibrates like no other, that would have made the smell at least a tiny bit worth it.

Summer construction

Guess I'll do some more makeup. whyyy not!

 

put it in your mouth...suck the sucker... 

Awesome sign.

My garter to hold my tips and my sweat rag. Leopard bitch.

Not bad for a job that doesn't feel like a job! Take THAT bad nights at my real job. shiiiiit.

Left behind nipple tape. Not mine. But someone hot's.

Okay, so... The night went a little different than usual. There weren't as many acts on the main stage which meant longer sets for us on the catwalk. It was hot, not as hot as it could have been but still hot and sometimes the sets were so much longer than we were use to that we were dying. Some of us broke into the chicken dance, others broke into jazzercise moves at some point. There also wasn't as much tipping as we like but hey, we still get paid a little bit.

Remembering the money picture you are probably thinking I'm full of shit and let me just tell you now, the ones were the only tips I made on catwalk... the rest was paid to me by the house AND because of the lap dances people requested...

At Dante's we open the stage to lap dances from a Go-Go toward the end of the night when all of the scheduled stage acts are done. We also do amateur hour. That is another story, we'll stick with the lap dances. 

So, usually birthday girls or boys or bachelors or randoms get pulled or pushed on stage because their friend buys them a lap dance. I was requested THREE times tonight! I was a staaaaar. :) 

That's how I made more money tonight. Stoked. So stoked. Thought people weren't really enjoying my catwalk set but it turns out they were... rad. Thumbs up, patting myself on the back here. Yeah.

One thing about stage lap dances... awkward. Don't worry, I still give good dance, but it's a tad awkward for the person getting the dance, AND as the performer we have to make sure we are doing the dance for the person in the chair AND his/her friends in the audience. It's definitely more of a performance than the dances I do day to day at the "real" job.

OH YEAH! This wouldn't be a post by me if I didn't talk about a crazy... so here it goes.

I was standing by the photobooth because one of the bachelors I had danced for wanted photobooth pictures... i'm almost regretting that now because I don't want his future wife to ever find me and be upset, just being nice and I can't resist photobooths really. 

But the groom to be is not the story, this random comes up to me while we are waiting at the photobooth and demands an answer to his question of "you work here right!"

I nod, say yes and try to be nice though this guy is clearly drunk and tryin to holla. I said it.

He then starts to tell me about this sweater he lost over in the corner like it's my fucking job to know where it is. I look at him and tell him I have no idea about his sweater and turn back to groom to be. This kid then goes to the tables behind me and moves them by kinda throwing them trying to look for said sweater, I shake my head and once again pay attention to groom and friends.

Fast forward a few minutes, pictures done and about to go down to the basement to get ready to get a donut and go home. Sweater boy stops me again, says "Hey, D, I'm in the industry you know, but uh my sweater, it was over there..."

I cut him off by this point because I just want a fucking donut.

I look at him, tell him I have no clue where his sweater is, that's not my job, I just dance there.

He continues with his talking saying how I know the other dancers and I know all the bouncers lalala sweater blah blah blah...

I cut him off again telling him I don't really and turn and walk off while he's still mid complaint.

He yells down the stairs, "thanks for keepin it real!" 

and I pick up a tad of sarcasm so I yell back

"no problem dude"

I get into the dressing area and one of my lovely coworkers is busting up laughing at my response to the dude. It may not seem like much typed out but there was a lot of attitude in my words the second time he tried to holla slash find his sweater. 

Like that's my fucking problem that you can't keep tabs on your sweater. You left it in a corner and walked away in a packed bar. What the fuck do you think is going to happen to it? It's probably one of those expensive sweaters huh, that you spent your whole Burger King paycheck on to look fly to the ladies so they'll believe you when you say you're part of the industry. Do I look like I give a flying fuck? I do? Shit, my bad. Let me change that facial expression.

All's well that ends well though. I left him without his sweater, we made fun of the dude in the basement and then I went to Voodoo Doughnut and got myself an Ol' Dirty Bastard.

Outside Voodoo

 

The sign

and wait for it

Glitter shot!!!! You're welcome!

Yes I kinda pushed them together a bit. Judge me why don't you! 

-D

ps i hate firefox, it posted this the first time without the last picture. lame.

Picturessss

I finally changed my profile picture to something that is actually of me... no, no face time on the blog, so sorry, but technically part of me none the less.

here's some other random photos from the past couple of weeks!

Hey fellas, like squirters... yeah you can get them in your candy too! 

Reading on a slow night 

A mix up of a drink... that I never had 

 I played Kitty Glitter

The fun zone 

 Main Stage

 A place I've never been

Ummmmm 

 

A gift, because every pretty lady should have a pretty flower... or so custie said.

Get it straight!

Well, off to work. 

-D

Found: The Latest Asshole on Twitter

Normally I let stupidity lie (haha who am I joking, I rarely do that) but this grade A douche bag really hit a button, hard. And not in a good way. I'm not getting cheeky and referring to my clit as a button. Which, by the way, if you're hitting it hard, probably isn't working anyway. Just a little tip (haha, not "just the tip"), you're welcome.

Anyway, this classy citizen tweets things girls say around him or her (I'm guessing because of the quotation marks) and adds other things in here and there spouting their obvious sexual frustration with the female gender.

I'm guessing the person responsible is a dude. If the person writing these things is, in fact, another girl we have a whole extra issue to go into. Girl on girl hate. But I'll save that for later, for now let's just stick with the idea that this person is male.

To get started I'll copy and paste some of the gems and then respond. Sound like fun? Yeah, I think so.

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards

That bitch that keeps texting you even though you haven't responded to her in weeks.

 

Dear GirlsAreRetards...

 

Grow some balls you big pussy piece of shit. Tell her you aren't interested if her constant texting is bothering. Be a man and admit that you're a tool and only wanted to fuck her once and then go off to someone else. This girl isn't dumb because she keeps texting, she's dumb because she was interested in you in the first place.

 

Sincerely,

You're a pussy

 

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards

Why do guys have to put the toilet seat down after a piss? Equal rights my ass.

 

Dear GAR,

 

Fine, why do we have to hide our used tampons or flush the toilet after we shit. Yes, dickwad, we do happen to shit. We don't magically make the waste in our bodies disappear into thin air. Basic Biology, read a fucking book. Anyway, wrapping up unpleasant looking things, flushing AND yes, putting down the toilet seat are all curteous things for decent human beings to do. 

It's a good thing you don't personally know me, I expect you to put both the seat and the lid down. Turns out when you flush those lovely human waste disposals, they shoot germs all over anything close. Yeah, like those "clean" towels you dry yourself off with after a shower, or that toothbrush you use to clean your filthy fucking mouth. Shit particles all over those seemingly clean things. You're brushing your teeth with your, and your girlfriend's, and your roommate's and your guest's shit. You're also rubbing those particles all over your body. Think about that one real good.

It's not about equal rights, it's about courtesy.

 

Sincerely,

You're Brushing Your Teeth With Shit

 

 

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards

Why do girls call other girls baby girl? You're the same fucking age idiot.

 

Dear GAR,

 

You can't possibly think that the girls are being literal with the term baby. I mean, I know you're fucking stupid but that's pushing it. Might I also add that men have been calling women "baby" and "baby girl" for quite a while now. Pretty sure the ladies didn't start that one. We just borrowed it from you. 

 

Now, if you were to ask why we call each other bitch and slut and skank as terms of endearment I might agree with you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Please get smarter

 

 

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards

RT if you'd prefer to date a girl who's never seen the inside of a tour bus.

 

Dear GAR,

 

While I agree with the sentiment that this is based off of, I will say that it is possible to have seen the inside of a tour bus (as a female) and not ended up in a bunk on their back (or all fours). Some of us keep things a little more classy and actually mean it when we say we're selective about the dick we let near our vagina (or mouth or hand).

Also, I would like to say that some of those girls who've seen the inside of a tour bus are actually touring. Like, in the band, like they have talent. Should I say I don't want to date a guy that's been in a girl's tour van? 

 

Sincerely,

Oh Please 

 

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards
"why can't I wanna have sex all the time like guys do?" Because you're a girl, have a little self respect. Unless you want to be a guy?

Dear GAR,

You've reached a real low with this tweet. I can't decide if you are saying guys have no self respect and that's why they can have sex all the time or if you're saying only guys can have sex all the time and still have self respect.

My first real question to all of this is... WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH? Is it other dudes? Or are you intentionally fucking girls with no self respect in order to have sex all the time. Because if dudes are having sex all the time and self respecting girls aren't allowed to, then the guys are either having sex with other guys or with girls they have decided have no self respect. If the latter is the option you think is best then you are the cause of all the problems you tweet about. 

Congratulations of being the worlds most disease infested prick.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying ladies should go out and throw their cat around at any person with something dangling between their legs. That's not my style either. But if you're saying the ones who do can't possibly respect themselves than neither can the dudes. 

 

And as long as we are on the subject of self respect... what about dick respect. Yeah, show your dick some respect! Especially the ones that fuck all the time. It's called a condom. I don't care if it doesn't feel as good. It feels a whole lot better than throbbing diseases, painful urination, puss, red oozing sores, warts, and rejection from females in the future.  It feels better than finding a woman you actually enjoy (and who for some god awful reason actually enjoys you too) and then having to tell her you're going to possibly subject her to such infections and diseases every time you have sex. Let's take that one step further, because you are going to have the possibility of passing some of these things on to her you are also going to have the possibility of passing these things on to your future child. High five Dad. Did that one sexual experience without a condom actually feel better than the lifetime of physical and mental suffering?

Sincerely,

Fuck self respect, start with dick respect

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards
I know we just started dating, but I just don't understand what the probem is with me adding all of your hot guy friends on Facebook!?

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards
"Omg why is it such a big deal that I still have pics of me and my ex making out on Facebook?"

Dear GAR,

 

I'm not even going to separate my response for these... here it goes: Maybe you shouldn't go for those girls. Also, make sure your friends (the dudes she adds on facebook) know that friends come before pussy. Or maybe they already know that if you are fucking each other... Or wait, did you get her from one of your other friends? 

 

Sincerely,

Don't be dumb

 

GirlsAreRetards Girls Are Retards
We don't want your fucking teeth anywhere near our dicks. Keep them tucked away.

Dear GAR,

This is probably my favorite. Here's why... many more girls know to keep their teeth away from the dick (unless specifically asked) than guys know where the clitoris is... maybe that's a little harsh. Okay, more ladies know not to put teeth in a blow job than guys know how to handle a clit at all.

Most of us are just (kind of) lucky when they find it or even know what it is.

Past that, we have to worry about a little thing I like to call The Gamer. Definitely my favorite to talk shit about but the worst (oh wait, no, flicking the clit with your fingers is the worse... or biting) to have happen. 

It goes a little like this... find clit, push it in fast and forcefully like a button on a remote that's losing it's batteries. You know the situation. The batteries are obviously dying but you just don't want to get up to get new ones or even change the channel. Or, more like it's name... pushing on it like you're trying to get the combo before the computer character kicks your ass. Konami Code anyone?

How bout this over excited gamer, how would you like it if I took your dick, held it in one hand so the tip was just a little above my pointer finger and thumb and then hit it with the open palm of my other hand in a manner that would resemble getting ketchup out of a glass bottle?

Sound exciting and full of pleasure? Yeah, exactly. No fucking way. Don't up up down down left right left right B A my fucking clit asshole.

 

Sincerely,

 

Get the Girl Off First

 

 

I would just like to finish up this post with some extra thoughts not covered yet... 

Maybe you attract such dumb girls because you are a lousy human being. Maybe you have really poor judgment. Maybe you were a real dick to a sweet, smart and self respecting girl and now karma is hitting you up ten fold.  

Maybe you go to the wrong places expecting to meet smart people.  I wouldn't go to a Jersey Shore party expecting to have a decent conversation. I wouldn't go to a meeting full of extreme Conservatives and expect to have a civilized conversation about abortion and the pro choice movement.

If you're going to bars that have stripper poles for the female customers then you're probably in the wrong place. If you're going to a Girls Gone Wild party (is there such thing?) then you're probably looking for quality in the wrong place.

Maybe you're the douche bag (attractive or not) that expects his smokin hot girlfriend to stick around while he demands blow jobs and when you do have sex, you come first, roll over and passe out. Maybe there's a reason she's hitting up your hot friends, maybe they know how to eat pussy like they give a damn. 

Until next time

-D

Loosen Up

Alright, here it is... a big pet peeve of mine (some might say one of many) that happens in and outside of the club.

You ready?

People telling me to loosen up.

Tonight a customer I have had similar interactions with before asked me if I was drinking to which I said no and he looked bummed and said I should drink some time, you know, so I could loosen up.

Sir, here's what the real problem is. I won't kiss you in the back room. I'll give you a hug and give you a dance and grind on your denim covered dick but I will not kiss you and that's what you want. That's what you mean by loosen up, you want me to do what you want.

First, gross.
Dude, you're mouth is decaying like a body in stagnant water with every word we speak.

Second, you're creepy.

Third, kissing is really personal. I don't kiss people I am not attracted to. I don't stay kissing people I'm no longer attracted to even if I think I could get something out of them if I did. I just don't do it. Seriously? A kiss?

Ladies of the night won't kiss you and you still have to pay to fuck them. (that counts as fourth)

Fifth... you're older than my dad.

Sixth, this is a strip club, I take off some clothes, do a little dance, make you feel good and you give me money. That's how it goes. Easy peesy, give me money.

Seventh... I'M GETTING NAKED FOR YOUR CREEPY ASS FOR LESS THAN A HUNDRED DOLLARS. BOW DOWN.
I think as far as the norms go, that's pretty loosened up. Pretty fair, in fact, pretty much way better than fair. In the real world I would NEVER talk to you, never give you a hug, NEVER sit on your lap, None of it. Be happy with what you get for so cheap. Dates cost more than $20 and usually end with less touching than the 3-5 min lap dance...So fuck off. I rather show my titties every time I win some change on Kitty Glitter video lottery. Which I did.

This isn't the first time this lame ass has said something like this to me. The first night we really met he was pontificating on the possible reasons I don't make as much money as some of the other girls.

Now, you, dear readers of this blog and twitter, know I'm a poor stripper, but this mother fucker has no idea. No following twitter, no reading this blog, no talking to me before this and here he is insulting me by telling me basically that he thinks I'm not good at what I do and should really try some other tactics like the other girls.

Him: I'll get another dance if I can get a kiss...
Me: (shyly and sweetly) No hun, no kisses
Him: Oh well, I guess if you're not comfortable, I guess there has to be the right chemistry. I mean other girls kiss me back here...
Me: That's good, I just can't. (AND FUCKING WON'T GROSS HEAD!)
Him: Yeah, you know maybe it's because you don't drink, see the other girls drink and get all friendly and more touchy feely and that's why they make more money.

No, they're hos and that's not what the actual job description is. By law I am suppose to dance, take my clothes off and dance on top of you but I am not suppose to grind directly on your clothed dick (and definitely not your revealed dick), nor am I suppose to let you touch, anything, ever.
It's a race to the bottom here and I refuse to go down to level of cheap prostitute in stripper clothing because I'm not making as much as those "other girls."

 Every time someone tells me to loosen up it's because they themselves are doing something wrong. They are being rude, or insulting or they want more from me than they deserve. Unless we're talking about my parents at family dinner. No, they're being insulting too.

Loosen up?

Fuck you.

Loosen up your asshole and get fucked.

Love,
D

Oh So Fake

I sometimes wonder if the other ladies of the pole at my work know when I am being fake and when I am not. I don't mean to guys, generally that's pretty obvious because I can't lie, but when it comes to women they just either don't care or think I'm really sweet when I've been saying really mean things in my head about them for the past week or so.

Case in point: CCH (crazy crack head). Homegirl immediately attached herself to me on the night of lost money and CCH shenanigans. Why? I really don't know. I was very blunt with her, very rarely smiled her way and was completely irritated maybe an hour into the shift due to her inability to get to stage on time. She decides that night that I am a confidant of sorts or something with her "this is between me and you" wink. 

But maybe she's a bad example... you know, with the drugs and all. Maybe (obviously) she's not of the correct mindset to discern my completely obvious loathing.

Besides her there are other girls at work who I think aren't completely out of their minds or lacking cells of the brain sort and still, regardless of my cold and indifferent (but not rude) attitude, still get buddy buddy with me. They tell me things in confidence that they don't tell other girls. I haven't been there that long. Seriously, I'm basically everyone's confidant. 

Except for maybe one. I don't even start to try and pretend that I like this one girl (and it's not CCH). But This girl, I call her Victim, just really gets no sympathy from me. She's been here and there and EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I see her or anything she is going off (to anyone that will listen) about some thing that has happened that she doesn't deserve and the phrase "why me" comes up a lot. 

One of the girls, an actual friend, I'll call her R for fun, tried to get me to lighten up on Victim and I see where she is coming from logically but I can't, I just can't support a pitiful victimized self concept. Is that the right way to put it? I feel you get the point.

I don't think I really had a point for this other than I seem to be a bit better at personal relations than I thought. Possibly a reason why information ALWAYS got back to me in high school (and beyond). Things people thought they were going to be able to keep out of my ear. Other people find me too trustworthy and I guess there is something about me that inspires people to open up.

I'm not complaining, it's a great quality to have in the real world. It just lacks real value in a world full of gossip I actually don't care much about. For once. 

Oh no, am I growing up?

-D

A little piece of the day

Totally unrelated to being at work but definitely related to the industry.

Today I stopped by a local hotel with a friend and saw a guy sitting on a public computer. My friend and I were chatting when another person came up and tried to sit in the chair behind the computer bench. The guy on the computer, without taking his eyes off the screen says "I wouldn't sit there, a guy pissed in it earlier."

My friend and I laughed, out loud and pontificated on what it would mean to be a person that would pee in a chair in a hotel with a bathroom maybe 20 stairs away.

We go back to our own conversation and soon one of the guys at the front comes up to where we all are and tells computer man he has to get off the computer right at that moment. Close the window and go. He says okay and takes a minute to close whatever he is doing and I find it odd but go back to my conversation again.

Later I go downstairs and ask the guy who kicked the other out what that was all about. I know the guy working here... Friends in high places ;)

Turns out the guy on the computer was watching porn. On a totally public, easily seen computer. Porn. He wasn't in a cubicle, no way to hide the images on the screen. Just sitting there, watching porn.


I mean, really? He did a pretty good job of getting the chair behind him off limits. He thought up the lie in advance probably that someone had peed in that chair earlier. Really? Or maybe he peed in it, changed his pants and came back to the computer spot to watch his porn.


I know there have been arguments and issues with people watching porn at the library. The only thing I can say about that is if the computer screen can't be seen by anyone else and the viewing of said material is not disrupting anyone else then I don't think it should be able to be stopped. I do believe in levels of security on computers for the different age ranges but besides that, if you are over 18 and no one else can see your screen AND you are not jerking off, then it's a free country, go for it, try not to have a boner (or an excited clit?) when you leave. Mostly the boner because it's more visual and there are always kids at libraries and that's disruptive.


But watching porn, not just one window either, my friend said the guy had several windows open of different porn sites. Videos I'm not sure but definitely pictures. Just vagina splayed across the screen. I guess anyone walking up the stairs, if looking at the monitor could see it.


Awesome.


I'm still laughing over his story about the chair. Genius really.


Now, go watch porn in a public place...


-D

A Whole Lot of Crazy

Tonight was a night of minimal money and lots of crazy.
I was blessed with being followed by a new crazy. Oh joy.
I figured since she had worked at other clubs she would know to get to her stage on time and generally keep things flowing as they should. I'm not talking about drinks or menstration or other bodily fluids. Just the flow of traffic from one stage to another.

So let's start with ms crazy's background. She asks at the beginning of the night where a safe place is to put her bag. We tell her it's fine under the place where she is sitting because we are all pretty legit people and generally don't have problems with things turning up missing. Did you detect foreshadowing? Good job.

Everything is going alright, it's slow and since there are only 7 girls we are up one set down one set for two rotations and then the third rotation we are up for one down for three. I noticed early on that Ms Crazy was taking her sweet ass time getting to the stage after my three songs were up. This irritated me a bit considering I usually only had three songs down. While three songs feels like forever on stage when there's no one at your rack (or a real creeper at your rack) it goes by fast when you're in the back trying to avoid the five customers who just want to small talk.

Through the night this girl gets crazier and crazier looking, like legitimately her eyes don't focus right, she looks off to the side a bit, I think she's drunk and end up just feeling frustrated that yet again I'm getting followed by a drunk girl who can't get her ass in gear.

The DJ yells at her at one point and she tries to confide in me and I just tell her the truth, that she's lucky the DJ said anything at all because he could just call her three times over the PA and then tell her to go the fuck home without making the effort to go in the back and get her from the lapdance room. I guess I said it nice enough for her to think I was her friend...

Yeah right.


The end of the night finally rolls around, she never makes it to her first song on time AND starts to get on stage when it's my set a couple of times. I'm starting to wonder at this point if something else is going on in that mind of hers. Well, obviously not much is going on in her mind but... maybe something more chemical based than alcohol.


I think about the times I've caught a glimpse of her onstage and just get frustrated. I came out of the bathroom at one point which had me walk right by the main stage where she was putting this guys face against her ass basically putting his nose to her asshole.


I'm sorry fellas, I'm not going to fulfill that fantasy for you. Nor am I ever going to let you lick my pussy. I'm also not going to bring down the price of my lap dance unless I like you and you are part of a couple. Really, I believe in the price tag I put in my dances. In fact, I think sometimes it's a tad low for the bullshit I deal with. But that's a discussion for another time.


Finally, last set of the night, I'm on stage and frustrated but entertaining the remaining members of a bachelor party. They are nice, crazy is walking around with a glazed/crazed look in her eye and I'm just counting down the seconds as I make it clap repeatedly. (hehehe)


We all get in the dressing room and are complaining or excited about how the night ended and crazy girl is just yelling into her phone, I guess to her ride, about how she got his text and is coming out now. She has it on speakerphone which makes me want to scream and throw her phone against a mirror but I refrain and just get my stuff together while thinking daggers her way.

She bolts and we all look at each other like WHAT THE FUCK?

Now, I was just thinking at the beginning of the shift how typical some of the girls sound. How shady and secretive and just plain stripper typical these girls sound sometimes. "Oh, this girl steals but she's only here every once in a while, I'll tell you who it is if we all work together on the same night" etc etc saying other shit I have no temper for, but when a chick proves to be crazy the ENTIRE NIGHT and I have to deal with most of the bitch's issues, I'm going to talk shit. And I'm not quiet about it.

Then (and this is where that foreshadowing comes in) one of the girls realizes she can't find her purse. Her purse she's been carrying with her the whole night and has her money (and she's made good money that night, HOW, I don't know, but whatever) in. Gone. Guess who was right next to missing purse girl? Yup Ms. Crazy. I'm immediately suspicious. She was vocal about figuring out what we do with our stuff, she was nuts, she's dirty, she was right next to Ms. Missing Purse... AAAAAnd, and I collect clues so you should probably trust my suspicions... just saying.

So we search the place, look under cushions in the back and can't find her wallet. I even look through my bag again even though I was on the other side of the room from her, just in case someone threw it in a fit of joy and it landed in my bag. Cover all bases and such. Plus I really wanted this wallet to show up. This girl does not deserve to lose her money after working hard all night. I don't like how she dances on stage but she's a sweet girl and I don't think her dances are that dirty/hard to compete with.

Now is Ms. Crazy's purse ended up missing I'd say "oh no... hey strong bouncer man, walk me out please" because I wouldn't give a fuck.

Ms. Crazy for some reason in still in the club even though she ran out of the dressing room a good 5 minutes before and so I ask her point blank if she's seen the missing wallet. She says no and goes in this shpiel about how we can check her bag for it because she knows that as the new girl she would be suspect blah blah blah just making me think she's fucking guilty and stealthy too, like only a druggie can be. It's quite ridiculous how stupid some addicts can be at most things but at stealing they are just brilliant.

ONe of the servers calls me over and tells me in a quiet tone that I should go with Ms. Missing Purse to check Ms. Crazy's bag because there is a possibility we will find something extra besides thongs and make up... it's possible that we might find crack/needles etc. WHAT?! Awesome, no wonder Ms. Crazy is so fucked.

Ms. Crazy, after having her bag searched and helping, starts fliting around the club like a... yup... crazy person... and then I'm sitting out with the DJ when she comes out, straight to me as a confidante and tells me that she needs to talk to me and that she was trying to help her look for it and then starts winking at me every couple of seconds. At first I wonder if it's just a drug tick then I realize it's the "just between you and me" wink.

Bitch, I don't know what you're winking for, I don't know what secret I'm suppose to be in on.

She takes me to the side even when I try to avoid her and tells me how she offered to give Ms. Missing Purse $10 to help pay stage fee and such but while she's tell me this she is standing thisclose with her face real close to mine and angled like she would be looking me in the eye but her eyes are looking just off to my left shoulder and down toward the floor. Like she's blind... or really fucked up.

Crazy right?

How many times is crazy going to be in this post?

Basically the night ended with us all confused about this chick and her habits. The bouncer had found her cigarette pack with foil and such in it and so it's probably safe to say Ms. Crazy won't be back to abuse me with her proximity.

Shucks, I was really getting excited about having a new friend.

I wish this story had a happy ending... something like, And then we had her take off her really painful shoes she was complaining about and her socks so she could put on her flip flops and a bunch of money fell out and then we raced to the bathroom to check the trash and we found the wallet and a ball of foil and then I would save the day when the crazy would try to run and I'd make her face meet the floor and say something like "you shoulda tipped me for always being late, bitch" but none of that happened.

I drove Ms. Missing Purse and my lovely Ms. R home and I refused gas money from Ms. Missing Purse because I'm a good person and incredibly modest.

Ugh, why can't I be like Dr. Brenan in the show Bones and put together the details of the crime fast enough to catch the bad guy? I love being a hero.

such is life.

that is all.

-D

A Night In the Life...

 This is where I bore you, or myself with pictures! Ready? They are all safe for work. Spoiler alert? 

Keep scrolling anyway? Thanks.

A game I've never played. I sat close to here hiding from people while thinking about what I could take pictures of.

Another picture from the same place. Oh yes the pool tables. Because when they are boobies and vaginas everywhere what you really need to do is take a stick and hit some balls with your bros. 

Yup, foot picture. 

This is called the Naught Girl. Peanut Butter and Jelly... fried, and dusted with powdered sugar. Amazing. 

A stripper's best friend. They take off make up, they keep white fuzzies from distracting customers when we are dancing under the black lights... they are good for a semen clean up...

I'm sorry boys, the illusion may just be shattered, we can't keep our cats that clean naturally.

Fries and a diet coke... my staples. Have to keep my girlish figure. Or just this bodacious ass. Can't sustain it on just Voodoo Donuts and bean and cheese burritos now can I?

The cheap and the expensive (my version of expensive, some ladies version of mid level) work together! Oh and some cheap, fake pearls that I never wear. 

 Another leg/foot picture. Clearly it was a really busy night.

Oh banks.

Last night grocery run.

Oh aren't you more enlightened now that you've seen my pictures? Want some more? Yes, yes you do. Here are some (way less) from tonight!

Here we go! 

 

 In inards of my purse an hour or so in. Minimal. But there's perfume (hollister), mints, lip gloss, chapstick, a pen and hand sanitizer. It's a big bag. More room for the loads of money I should be making.

What three bros (chads as they call them here) stared at all night instead of titties and ass because they were cheap and all their blood was in their arms from working out for 4 hours before showing up to drink cheap beer and sneak glances while pretending to be interested in their conversation or the tv but really looking in the mirror to see our asses swing in reverse. For free.

My injury of the night. This isn't the first time I've done this. I knew it happened but kept on dancing. Just kept going because the show must go on, and I didn't want to get the white rag we use to clean the pole all red with my blood, 

not to mention... 

I was getting handfuls of money thrown at me and I didn't feel like stopping the custies from doing that.

After a while I stopped taking pictures because I forgot. 

Alright, I'm done boring you. Sorry there were no nudes or anything close.

The end for now.

-D

Caught

I'm going to start this out by saying I am not a very good liar. At all. I never have been. I've kept things from my parents but in doing so usually avoided them lest they ask around said things and then I'd have to tell the truth.

I'm the type of person that is pretty open about who she is and what she likes/doesn't like in life. I've learned the little white lies to keep people happy but the bigger ones just leave me confused and uncomfortable.

I also need some practice on my poker face.

How the fuck am I a stripper you may wonder... don't worry, I wonder the same thing.

I'm not one of those strippers that talks about how horny she is or how much she wants to fuck you. I gotta be honest (seriously I don't know how to lie) there are very few people in the world that I would say "I want to fuck you" to. Very few. Doesn't mean I'm not attracted to people, it's just not in my personality to say such things. Don't think I am a stranger to the f word. I love it, I just never really talk dirty when it comes to actual sex.

When I work I take the time to get to know people, I don't feed them lies about who I am or what I do... well, I might stress the truth here and there... practicing contortionist... yeah, maybe not. All I do is watch pole dancing videos and do yoga? Again, no. I'm 22... definitely not.

Most of those lies were only used on one person and I just couldn't hold them up or try them again. I didn't get any money out of the guy I used them on and I felt like lying was just going to make the job more exhausting than it already can be.

The age lie I may have used twice. I realized fast that I wouldn't remember who I was telling the lies to when they came back though so I dropped it and started being honest, or avoiding the question when someone asked my age.
I mean, really custies, who cares? I look young, if you want a youngin pay attention to my looks. I talk like I'm a bit older, if you want a bit older pay attention to my words.

What do you guys get out of knowing our age? Or our real name? Should I make up a fake real name to tell people to make them feel special? Will that lie help anyone?

Okay, now to the original point of the post....

I know a lot of girls dancing in other cities have ways of hiding their job from people they don't want knowing. A lot of girls here hide it from their parents saying that work at restaurants or bars. Most of these people they lie to won't ever check on them. Won't get the sudden inspiration to visit them at work.

I am not so lucky. I figured when I moved back up I would say that I was working at a clothing store that I use to work at. I got pretty honest with the parents pretty quick in admitting I was dancing again. They don't live in this city so they never would have been able to come in an visit at my clothing store work but they asked me outright if I was dancing again and I can't lie with a question like that.

So, now, one of my parents has a friend that lives out here that I've met and am going to meet up with again. They recently asked me which location am I working at (of the clothing store). I don't know what to say. If I say the one I use to work at it would be easy for them to go in a check. If I say I quit, where do I say I work now? Then I have to explain why I haven't told my parents yet lalala. I'm not sure my parents want me to be honest with their friend about where I am actually working. I guess I could ask them but it's already a sore subject.
Do I tell the person I work at the far out location of the clothing store so the likelihood of them visiting is low? If so am I going to have to learn about that area just in case anyone asks any questions about the location?

This is why the truth is so much easier for me. I'm not ashamed of what I am doing  or who I am but I sometimes lie to save my parents. The only reason I lie about this job generally is to protect other people.  I don't tell certain friends because well, they aren't really friends, just aquaintences. I don't tell certain people I meet, especially older ones in higher positions in life because it may tarnish their opinion of me. It's not fair but it's true.
I don't plan on having it anywhere on my resume when I continue onto a career in the future. Again, not ashamed. But I'm also not so dumb to think that people will still have the same opinion of me after they hear. It doesn't matter how responsible or awesome I am for months before they learn of this side of my life, some people just can't handle it and either think I'm work dating down or that I'm something completely different than they originally thought.

Oh what to do, what to do. I'm a stripper that can't lie.

-D

Spend That $$$

In a fit of brilliance (madness) at 4am I decided I would share a quick list of what I spend my earnings on vs what I want to be spending my earnings on... oh and possibly a wishlist I'm currently working on as the cherry on top.

What I do spend my money on:
- That horrible addiction called bills. Kinda like a coke habit but with more consequences (maybe?). Rent, car, insurance, phone bill, internet so I can write this blog... yeah, pay me.
- food: I wish I spent my money on better food (healthier AND better tasting) but I get lazy or procrastinate and then end up getting Taco Bell right before work (twice this week... gross)
- groceries: when I'm responsible
- going out with friends: honestly, mostly this is back in the first food line item. I rarely go out and when I do it's usually to get food with a friend. I'm often (read: always) hungry.
- gas: for the car duh, though with how much Taco Bell I eat... (gross). Luckily it's not that bad, don't fill up any more than once a week unless I take myself off my lease and go out past the city limits.
- credit card bill: racked up from moving a couple of times and not knowing how to say no to myself for a while
- dmv fees: from moving here, it's been costly. I still cry about it at night. DMV, if you're reading this, take pity and lower my new plate fees. No? Shit, thought I'd take a page out of young custies books and ask.

Things I want to spend my money on:
- ticket back home: not forever, just to visit
- decadent foods
- clothes
- nice make up
- travel to Argentina, Arizona, Tennessee, Europe
- Master's Degree
- tattoos
- books

Things I'm working on putting money toward currently:
- shoulder piece
- pet deposit for apartment (I want a small cat)
- that pesky credit card bill
- emergency fund

Hmmm that's kind of boring.

Oh well, deal lovlies!

-D
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