here

Sometimes I really, truly do. Some days, (lately not so much, but more on that later) maybe even most days I love what I do.

Why?

Well... let me count the reasons

1. I work with gorgeous girls

2. Said gorgeous girls get naked

3. we talk about anything and everything we want out of earshot of the custies

4. sometimes we do that in earshot of custies

5. we are close enough to tell each other what we love about each girl's body

6. I dance and get paid

7. I don't sit behind a desk

8. for the most part I pick my own hours

9. I get told I'm beautiful/gorgeous/sexy/a unicorn on a work night basis

10. I work with some bi -> lezzie and boy do those ladies know how to hit your hot spots in a second

11. there's more but just see above

I'm lucky to work at a club where I have good friends from before AND where the ladies are all pretty supportive of each other. We have our momentary hate sessions where we can't believe someone is making as much as she is and we're jealous as hell but there's no stealing, no putting others down, no real talking behind each other's backs (with the exception of some new girls with annoying as fuck tendencies or full on sluts that make it harder for the rest of us to earn an honest dollar), no fist fights and for the most part the custies are respectful. Sometimes really dumb, but generally respectful. 

But then there are other times where as great as reasons 1-11 are, money gets tight (even though I'm not doing coke and don't have a bad shopping addiction) and nobody seems to be getting/wanting dances and some girls that are less pretty or less fun or younger, or older or whatever are getting dances and you're fucking poor in the corner trying to at the very least fake a smile... these are the times where it is a lot harder to love what I do. 

It's in times like these that I question why I do what I do. I haven't been in the industry super long (which is probably why I don't make what more seasoned strippers would consider decent money on a good night) and so I get frustrated. I let my insecurities blind me. I get to the point of no return and just want to go in the back and cry. Yeah, a stripper crying. Great. Write a song about it... oh wait somebody already did. 

I didn't know to plan for April being horrible and to spend half of May trying to recover from the crash that is tax season. I tried keeping my chin up night after shitty, shitty night but after a while it got really hard to smile when yet another custie would tell me I was pretty and not get a dance. I get it, I'm hot, let's do this. Instead they would low ball me or just walk off which would leave me feeling the need to take my heals off, run after them and cut their throats with the sharp edge of my heal. 

I've tried to figure out what I can do to make money better. Not every girl is feeling the shit April that I am. Most are, but there are a couple weathering the storm just fine. I need to watch them, I need to stop being jealous and wondering what they have that I don't. I need to start closing off the world behind my eyes and looking like I'm DTF at any minute.

Apparently it isn't about the strip tease anymore. It's about who they could actually possibly get to do something extra or take home. Apparently talent is not necessary, and looking good is not an issue. Those who look 12, or trashy, or DTF or hard are the ones that keep getting the dances. It's not about what you say it's about the look in your face and eyes when you say it.

I'm going to have to start writing lines before I go to work:

Me love you long time. Oh I'm a naughty girl! I would fuck you but the rules say I can't and I'm reaaaal scared of my boss. I'm so wet. All I want to do is fuck... etc etc... lalala.

Operation bimbo in effect.

-D