Closing Time

Usually around closing time, when the stages are shut down and there are only lap dance songs left, the DJ likes to play some really annoying stuff. Stuff that makes the people at the bar staring blankly at the empty stages get the hell out, finish their drink or even forget their drink and leave.
It also makes the customers who were thinking of getting lap dances waver. Sure I want a lap dance but to a song about elephants? Hmmmm maybe not.
While the song may be funny there will be nothing sexy about being distracted by the lyrics or having the girl just laugh into your shoulder about what it's saying. (I've probably done something like that before... but hey, at least I didn't fall asleep on a guy's lap... yet)

That being said I think tonight I've found an even better way to clear the club after last stage is called.
Have a dude throw up on himself, his friend and the table in one fell swoop.

Yes, ladies and gents, this happened tonight.

I'm taking deep breaths as I write this so as not to start getting anxious. You see, I have a legitimate phobia of vomit. The act, the sound, the smell, all of it sets my mind on high alert and I feel the need to flee or curl up in a tiny ball humming and plugging my ears (if the sound continues). I wish I were joking or exaggerating. I am doing nothing of the sort.

Soooo, not only did I clear out from my conversation with the love of my life (okay exaggerating there... but he was really my ideal almost to the T besides the fact that I met him at my work) but everyone else in the club moved pretty fast toward the door, I think even leaving their drinks behind.

So there you have it, better method for clearing a strip club at final call... have some dude puke all over.


Now, as a final note I will say this does not work if a stripper pukes. This happened recently. The dancer was on stage and says she got heat stroke or something and became ill on stage. All customers at the rack stayed (I shit you not), one looked away but kept to his seat and kept his money up there and the other talked to her I think. Thankfully when this happened I saw none of it, just heard about it when the bartender for the night came up to tell the DJ.

So there you have it folks, to clear a strip club get a dude, not a dancer to toss those cookies and you'll be in the clear. (Just make sure you're not the one who has to clean it up.)



-D

p.s. Two posts in one week?!?! What the heck?!