Just Another Day At the Office

Even on slow days there is at least one interesting thing that happens. Sometimes it's good interesting, sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's just what it is... a tad crazy.

Today felt a little off at work, not enough to totally ruin my money, but definitely enough to make me leave a little dissatisfied with the hours put in.

A new (we returning girl) worked tonight and she's friends with this chick that I've seen elsewhere a time or two who really just rubbed me wrong. (Not literally, we've never been that close.) Maybe it's just my inability to deal with drunk attention whores or attention whores regardless of blood alcohol level.
Granted, those of us in this profession have to like or pretend to like attention at least a little bit, probably more than the average woman walking down the street, unless she's doing porn or into being watched while fucking... point is, I have no hate for women who are fun and rock a stage set. I have a problem with those who don't let each dancer have their time to shine. They have this one thing they can do besides catching guys eyes by looking (acting) easy and they use it as much as possible to get the attention they need.

I'm pretty sure for this girl it isn't even about the money really, that's a side benefit. She drives me fucking crazy.

Tonight when I walked in I saw her and though, ugh, really?! I wondered what she would try to pull seeing as I had just seen her two nights before at a different venue. I call her Not An Amateur. She does Amateur hour at Dante's even though she's won a few competitions for dancing. Seriously? I get it, you think you're good, and technically you are, but can you leave the Amateur hour for Amateurs? Go find a club where you have to compete with other girls as good as you for money. Seriously.

So tonight, I was like awwww shit when I saw her. I didn't want to have to think about it. But I figured, hey, she's not going to be on stage, it'll be okay. I was sitting in the dressing room when I heard returning girl ask the DJ if NAA could get on stage with her for her set... MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!
As I come out of the dressing room I see Returning Girl and NAA both dancing on main stage and I want to scream. Seriously, I'm way past the jealousy stage of my stripper growth, it has nothing to do with that. She doesn't fucking work here! She's been taking up this random guy's time that COULD be tipping not just me, but her friend as well. She's drunk (per usual) and it's a slow Tuesday night. Get away from our money lady! We have a hard enough time pulling out of these guys' wallets as is.

That was part one of the "interesting" night.

Part 2...

My first dance....
Oh sigh, I kinda know that if I get a dance early in the night it's not looking so hot for the rest of the night. It's weird and I try not to believe it and I keep high hopes but that's how it goes most of the time. So first dance... we sit in back for the second half of the song we walked in on so that I don't cheat him from extra dance seconds and somehow in that span of time he gets himself hard. No joke. Maybe he was watching the porn going on the screen back in the dance room, I dunno. So I start my dance and he tries to make it a certain way and I relent at some points and then do my own thing at others, I refuse to b just a sex simulator. But even with my dislike of being a breathing sex doll this man gets really worked up, looks at the porn, grinds back on me and then all of a sudden stops and watches me do my thing. He pulls his shirt as far down as he can by this point. I wonder if he came. I then wipe the underneath of my leg. It's wet. Was that sweat from being on stage and then giving a dance... or did he come?
I figure it was the latter. Almost positive.
I didn't get an extra tip. Just the tip? Haha, no but really...

stripper suggestion: If you jizz in your pants, or even worse, out the leg of your basketball shorts (that did not happen to me but did happen to a friend) tip the girl extra.

Obviously this girl did something right. Whether you were thinking of someone else or whatever during the thing she still has to use extra baby wipes to clean up the mess you left behind.

Also, hope your swimmers are not strong and/or she's on birth control.


Which brings me to Part 3

This should really be part one because it started out my night but oh well, this is how I am remember things, deal.
I'm sitting in the dressing room and one of the lovelies I work with (lovelies if I like them...) comes back and says, "I just had the weirdest thing happen to me." I made some smart ass guess asking if a guy tried to put his finger in her vag... she said no.
But this is what did happen.
Lovely (not her stripper name) was giving this dude, a regular, a dance and she turned around to rub her butt on his crotch (very normal move) but when she went to look behind her she saw he had pulled his dick out and was about to try and put it in her asshole, or her vag hole. That particular detail isn't really THAT important.
But don't worry dear readers...
He thought it through. He already had a condom on.
Yes, that's right. He was going to practice safe rape.
She asked him what the hell he was doing, he said "Don't worry I don't do it without a condom" or something close to that and she said "I don't do that at all."

Now, here's my question. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!

You're a regular, you know the rules. You didn't even ask.

stripper suggestion: DON'T EVER ASSUME. Remember if you assume you make an ass of you and me. Yeah, exactly.

Don't touch anywhere without asking, don't venture into hot zones after she says you can touch her thighs. Don't push the lines, be fucking respectful! I get it, man like sex. Man like woman, man grab woman. blah blah blah caveman bullshit.
I know you know how to behave you asshole. I know you know how to ask for things you want. You're a man. Seriously why have the majority of guys failed to figure out if you even just pretend to be a gentleman (seriously you can pretend, you don't even have to really be one) you're going to get farther with a lot more women a lot more times than if you act like a fucking Neanderthal*.
Don't fucking whine to me about how it's sooooo hard to not touch a woman sitting on your lap. I get it. Be a man, get a dance and if you don't like how that one girl does it give her the money for one, thank her and go get another girl.
I'm sure you'll find a ho bag soon enough.

Remember, this is not a brothel. You came into a strip club. If you find a girl that happens to have a menu (a variety of things she'll do for a price) then what a score for you (please note sarcastic tone dripping off those words) but don't act like we're doing something wrong when we're doing our job.
If all girls played by the fucking rules we wouldn't have to let any of you mother fuckers touch us and you wouldn't know the difference because no girl would have let you touch in a club before. You would still be excited by the fact that a hot or seemly easy (or both) woman was draping her body on yours.

Tangent: What happen to the days when Burlesque shows were exciting and titillating for guys? What happen to your imagination and thrill of voyeurism? Drives me crazy when I think about it. We've lost the tease aspect of these shows. Sure, most of the time you won't get a blow job or sex but you sure get some friction on your dick somehow.

And is that comfortable? Jeans or your boxers/briefs/whatever rubbing against your dry dick? I feel like it might chafe.

I'm getting carried away, Part 4 ended the night, on no wait... there are two more parts, my bad.

Part 4: dance #2
Dance number two was a man who may have been a gyno from the way he was trying to push on my belly area. Maybe he was trying to feel the outline of my uterus? Really confused. Or maybe he didn't like that it stuck out a little so he was trying to push it back in to forget about it. Haha, maybe that's it.
Sorry dude, I like to eat. I had a burrito before you got here, maybe my tumtum has a little bloat going on. Deal.

Part 5: Drunk Girl
I've never seen this chick this drunk before. She was freaking out about losing something she didn't lose, she was walking around on the floor naked not to get guys to look but just because, she was practically making out with two different customers through the night. One that looked a tad like Santa Claus. Maybe she's trying to get on the nice list.
Then she got down from main stage before the song was even over and stood there with second almost make out partner and then walked and expected him to follow her into the dance room. I'm surprised she was able to walk.
Later she comes out of the dressing room in a sweater but no bottoms, I assume to get rid of the alcohol jumble in her stomach. She finally comes out and falls. Like face first falls onto the floor, ass in the air.
The guy at my rack laughs, well yeah. Almost Make Out Partner #2 tells him it's not funny, oh please. It kinda is. Maybe don't get so drunk you fall down. Maybe put some bottoms on.


FINALLY Part 6!
Last dance of the night. I get off main stage, I was the main dancer for the last set (this means nothing important at all, just setting the stage), talk to the guy that laughed at drunk girl falling and see guy from other rack heading toward atm. Figure he just wants a dance with whoever, stay out on main with only tiny bottoms on to see what he wants. All other dancers are dressed in real people clothes or giving a dance. He comes over and asks for a dance. YUSSS! I just needed that one more to make my bottom goal.
We go back in the back, he's reluctant to really talk. I finally stop and the new song starts. I'm doing my thing lalala, making eye contact, messing with my hair etc etc and he starts to move up, like to make out.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
I really wish other girls didn't make out with their customers. Seriously. I'm sorry I'm picky in real life about who I make out with, I'm NOT swapping spit with customers**.

Gross.

I'm sure all your mouths are clean but gross. By the way you try and simulate sex with me while I'm giving a dance I can tell we wouldn't work together smooching.


Alright, that's it for the night. I'm going to go be pissed about how the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars isn't uploaded on the website yet. (I don't have a tv and therefore can't watch it when it actually plays nor can I record it.)


-$D$
(Maybe if I surround my name with $ I'll make some)


*No actual hate on the real Neanderthals, their time and place was different.
** Okay, I dated a guy I had met at my club before, I made out with him. He was the last. I'm done dating customers. He never got a dance. Please don't hate too hard. We all get lonely and sometimes you guys seem cute and like decent guys. I make bad choices.