So, this month has been iffy. And by iffy I mean shitty money wise. I don't think it's hit EVERY dancer this hard (some tits are just recession proof I guess) but it sure has got me on the down and out.
I realized while sitting with a friend at work today that rent is due here in oh, 4 days. Luckily I have an extra couple of days but I'm still not happy about this. I have three shifts this week at my current clubs, I left a couple days open for the new club that I like a lot, but unfortunately nothing matched with my availability. :/ Seriously bummin.
So I have two shifts left this week, hopefully I can score a third and in that time I basically need to come up with all of my rent. Not going to lie, if things keep going as they have been the past 3 weeks then I'm up shit creek without a paddle really. Yup, hands paddling shit action. It might be happening. Don't worry, I always carry antibacterial... but I also bite my nails.
Grossed out yet? Me too.
I'll move on. So while Friday night was pretty effing shit tastic, Saturday brought a new, absolute new low for my time at these clubs. I made a dollar under tip out and had to supply my own money for it.
ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. Yup, I made $31 dollars the whole night. I guess if I'm to look at the bright side I have made less taking off my clothes... as my job. I've gotten naked for free but I'm not talking about my ex boyfriends right now. Ugh, them.
So, I was bummin big time Saturday night because tips just weren't coming, people just weren't sitting at my stage (besides a couple gems I'll get into later...) and I had no hustle in me. Not that there were really many people to hustle. I'm not sure any girl made over $200 that night which is unusual, especially for a Saturday.
Let's take a side step and talk about one of the joyful custies I DID get the pleasure of seeing on that day...
He walks in and I feel I know him from either this club or my previous club. I think I'm going to start calling my previous club out by name now... I don't work there at all anymore (safari). He sat at my stage and I got the creep vibe from him instantly which went along with my gut feeling when he walked in the door.
He puts a dollar on stage during my second song and never puts another dollar down. Yeah, big spenda! When he puts that dollar down he starts trying to make contact with me. Like if I'm on the rack he puts his arm out so it brushes my leg.
THERE IS ALMOST NOTHING I HATE MORE THAN THIS.
Aside from the obvious asshole comments at my rack and pelting me with quarters, I get incredibly grossed out when guys try to be all cool (or even not cool) about touching me while I am on stage. Let's be real, I just about hate it when guys touch me in the back too (except for a select few who are awesome people and don't give me the willies). It's like they are trying to turn ME on. Yeah right buddy. Guy's I've been super attracted to have had a hard time getting me off... you have no chance.
So he sees my nipples and says they are perfect lalala which makes me want to run for the hills. Something about the way he says it and looks at me. Then he asks if they lost some feeling after getting pierced, I said it was the same. He asked if I liked it when they were licked, I said it really doesn't matter to me either way. I don't really enjoy it all that much (and I was thinking in my head that I could think of at least 2 better places* for a lover's tongue to be... but that's not the kinda conversation I wanted to keep going with this guy) and then he said "maybe you just haven't had someone do it right."
To keep from having to talk to this guy too long I didn't say what I was really thinking but I can tell you lovely readers because I like you...
Ew sir. You could NOT lick my nipples right. I would have to attracted to you for that to even slightly work. And like I said before, it doesn't matter if I'm attracted to the person or not, I just don't get any real pleasure of having my nipples licked. I've had some women go at them too. I'm just not interested. The only thing that has even lightly peaked my interest concerning my nipples is this girl I gave a free birthday dance to semi recently. She touched them in a way that actually worked for a second. Too bad her boyfriend was there, I didn't want to go home with BOTH of them. Just her.
Tangent, but still, your cockiness is really off-putting and so is your dirty, tangled semi long hair. My friend might believe that real men have long hair but I really don't. And you're MAYBE the same height as me, and MAYBE weight as much as I do. You couldn't make me cum if you had the help of 3 vibrators...
I stayed nice and tried to mentally place what had happened that had made me dislike him so much. I left the stage after my set was over (with $1 for the two songs he was there...) and went into the dressing room. I came out later and sat off to the side of the main stage, kind of by the DJ booth. Creep-magee came up and asked if I wanted company. I really wanted to say no but that's really not something to do at a strip club when you haven't FOR SURE figured out the guy doesn't have money...
so I said sure really unconvincingly and he sat down anyway. I guess my nipples have special attraction powers for this man, or he really, really doesn't have an ear for tone.
He sits down, asks me what's wrong and why I'm not having fun, I say point blank because I haven't made any money he puts his arm around me pulling me to lean against him, I do this while my body is faced away from him, totally uncomfortable (as I'm writing this I feel uncomfortable again) and that's when it hits me... I remember this dude all too well...
It was one night at Safari, I was dancin, doin my thing, he comes to my stage, puts some money down, looks interested and then asks if I want to go in the back room. I say sure, we go back there and talk for a song... NEVER AGAIN. Baby stripper move! We talk and he wants me to take my boobs out of my bra and I do for some stupid reason, should have gotten the money, and he puts his arm around me like he's in 5th grade... he may as well have yawned to get there. And this makes me SUUUPER uncomfortable because he is trying his best to touch my nipples with his reached over arm. Or maybe just that one nipple, reaching across my body might have been TOO obvious. I'm getting creeped out just thinking about it right now. Seriously slightly sick.
So the song ends, I have to go on stage again, he doesn't pay me, I leave (baby stripper move #2, not letting him know he owes me money and walking away) feeling really stupid and used.
That creepy scene came back to me as this guy was trying to get me to lean against him like we were something and after giving him some really lame yes and no answers to his questions of if I liked my job and what else would I do lalalala blah blah blah do something good with your life bullshit, I told him I had to go and pulled myself out of his arms and went into the dressing room.
I want to hit him. If I ever see him again I might get him to take me to the dance room, talk to him and then actually get some money but never give him a dance or take out my golden nipples.
Best part about this douche was that he had a couple hundreds in his wallet... bartender/one-day-a-week dancer/moneyfinder saw them and made sure to let one of the girls know. That girl told me a little later and I told her not to waste her time on that dude because he wasn't going to give that money up. He wanted shit for free because he was just so damn charming. BARF.
Sure enough I talked to a different dancer later and she was frustrated because of this douche bag that had been at her stage and had only given her one dollar after sitting there for two songs. She had said something nicely about it to which he had said "well you haven't done anything for me" as his excuse for the one dollar.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ASSHOLE! I am prancing around in my underwear. I am prancing around in my underwear in heels that you would break your neck in. I am prancing around in underwear in heals seductively. I am also talking to your dumb ass. I am pretending that anything you have to say is interesting. All of this equals at LEAST a dollar per song for three songs... even if I don't take one piece of that clothing off.
Now, after that, I also do tricks, or at least this girl does. Sometimes I do, but it depends on the club and the pole. I do trick AND I take off the already skimpy clothing I have on. You'd be fucking lucky to see me in a bathing suit in the real world. You'd be even luckier to see me in underwear in the real world. You would NEVER and I mean NEVER get to see my nipples or anything else in the real world. So pay up!!!
She then tells him to fuck off and get off her rack. He responds by opening his wallet and showing her the three hundred dollar bills he has in there. She doesn't even care and without hesitation says "I don't see them on my rack!"
He stops off angry and so ends the tale of The 5th Grade Nipple Toucher.
I hope he chokes while trying to give himself fellacio, lying on his back with his legs over his head. Yeah.
It is my sneaking suspicion that those bills in his wallet were the only money the guy had. Like to his name ever. He wasn't going to spend that no matter what. He just wanted people to think he was going to so he would have a better chance.
Gross.
Skin still crawling.
So yeah, that night after dealing with him I still didn't make quite enough to tip out and went home really incredibly bummed. Oh wait, there's more.
I had another, "do you do anything else" conversation with another douche later that evening and he then went on to ask if I wanted to smoke weed with him and his friend after work... HELL NO. He was really surprised when I said no. Oh I'm sorry middle aged man, my bed sounds more inviting than smoking week with two oafs who shoot and kill all of their meat and do demolition work. I'm sorry I'm smart and know how to be safe. Go fuck your beefy, asshole friend. In the ass. No shoes, totes gay.
Then he asked what I was going that night AGAIN, this time wondering if I did extra curricular work. Like if I did the whole package deal outside of work.
SERIOUSLY DUDE. I said no to smoking weed with you and you still think there's a chance I'll fuck you, even for money?
You haven't even tipped me a dollar since you got here. Nor has your beef head friend. What are you going to do, offer me a hundy for some sex? You are delusional? You see this face? Yeah, not gonna happen. You see this ass, yeah, dream fucking on. You see this young body? Yup... never gonna get it, not even for money. You'd seriously have to offer me upwards of 5 grand to even begin to consider it. 5 grand could probably help me erase the pain in my mind after that experience. MMMM let's start the bidding at 7 grand now that I think about it...
Stop being a skeeze and act your age. Maybe go to a bar, by a drink for a lady or two and get those drunk idiots to have sex with you.
A woman that looks like me? Not going to happen unless she's lacking severely in the brains department.
(and just to be clear, this guy was decent looking I guess, but a complete skeeze, thumbhead asshole.)
So that was my last real interaction that night and I was ready to scream blue bloody murder at the top of my lungs for hours.
Instead I cried in my car on the way home and stayed up real late for who knows what reason, probably put pictures on tumblr and other such meaningful tasks and then slept.
so now you know.
-D
sidenote: My wrist smells amazing. I like little surprises like that.
*clit, neck, lower back but not quite my ass..., in my mouth as long as it's not being super invasive, stomach on their way down to the party zone... inner thighs... SEE! So many better places.
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